My garden is looking wonderful; more space and new plants. Now, I wonder...

Will I have money to buy plants??

Let's play Witch!

I don't say that disrespectfully. I would never deliberatley condensend or insult those who believe wicca to be holy and witch to be sacred. I have been thinking, meditating, considering...the magickal life.

I want more than atheism has given to me. Which is nothing. Just as "it" promises. Nothing. Your born. You are alone. Then you die. Nothing.Although that may be the truth for some, I am finding out it isn't for me. Neither is the new age thing. No judgement here, just observation. New age=new books. Lots and lots of new books. I still have this emptiness that knaws at me like hunger.

Christian? Uh...no. Been there, done that, for like 25 years. I walked away. Done. Not for me.

This pagan, natural magick, or perhaps wiccan path calls and calls again. I have felt the interest in the craft many times. I love nature so much, I am humbled. I see magick everywhere.And there is the "play" factor. Spells, rituals and cauldrons all hold delight for me, for my life. I would love to be a witch, settled into my home, crafting magick in my kitchen.Kitchen Witch or Cottage Witch. I have also seen the term green witch and all feel very pleasant and warm. And wonderful.

This is all new, and exciting and comfortable. I do not feel threatened as I did with Christianity. "Believe or else." That just didn't feel right to me. It wasn't right to me. I should say it wasn't right for me. Perhaps, for someone else, but not me.

So, this is where I am. The connection with Earth, with having a powerful feminine energy without meekness or frailty. No submissive wifey thing. Powerful Goddess energy. This could be what I have been searching for all along.Blessed Be

Welcome to My Life

There will be no midlife crisis here. I will not buy a sports car, get a tummy tuck or have a tattoo plastered on my ass. Not that a tattooed ass is bad. On my ass? That would be bad.

Hello again

It has been awhile. Here, I am sad. Over on Xanga; I try so hard to be uplifting and spiritual. It is draining. It isn't that I am living a lie; I am trying to live intentionally. The whole idea of intention is to say it and believe it...and it will happen. I am waiting.

I have doubled my meds; under the advice and direction of my doctor,of course. It has helped. I see clearer and I am able to "suck it up" to coin a phrase. Everything that I was sad about is still here. But prozac helps me ignore it.

Yeay Prozac!

I feel as if I only have the same thing to say, day after day.

I want out.

I want out.

I want out.

I am a sick, sick woman...

A terrible person, really, I am...

I wish my children sick or myself injured so I don't have to go to work.

In the extended version of The Two Towers, Eoywn approaches Aragron with a cauldron full of stew. I love that scene... people, all sitting with one another, eating the most humble of foods, all working to survive.

We, as a collective, no longer work with one another, but against one another. We are all so alone.

I am so alone.

I keep on -everyday- getting out of bed. I still wear a bra. I always brush my teeth. I hug my son and say "I love you" because I do. I love him with all of my heart, every bit of my soul.

He is the only reason I do this. Day after day... I do this for Matthew.

I am exhausted

I am so tired of holding it all together; for the sake of everyone and everthing. I am exhausted, as an actor that is on stage 24/7, with no intermission.

I am not myself anymore. I don't even know who I am.

Am I pagan? A primative native? Would I live in a tribe, with fires and tents? Why do I hurt so much and have no time to heal?

I never wanted to be that mom

I never wanted to the Mom on the Lifetime orginal movie. The mom that runs out of steam half-way through motherhood. I don't love my kids any less; of course. So why (WHY?) am I so tired of my life?

Is it the kids? Work? Marriage? Why does it hurt my heart just to get out of bed? I put my feet on floor and I want to weep.

Escape is a fantasy. I will never leave these children. My spirit feels as if it is dying, after a long illness. I have left remission and the end is near.

I am not (necessarily) a patriot

I have got to get out of here.

Ten years from now, will I look back, look around me, and ahead of me...

and wish I had chose something different?

I want to move to New Zealand.

I have been so depressed lately. So depressed. I don't even know why. Nothing in my life has changed. The parts of my life that suck have always sucked and the good part are still good.

What up wit dat?

I am actually fighting the urge to watch The Two Towers. I saw "Van Hesling" last night and the actor that plays Faramir in LOTR was in VanHesling. David Werner, I believe. Anyway, his character was a friar and just the hair made him look goofy... and in TLOR he was so hot (!) I just wanted to turn on The Two Towers and behold his hottness. And Aragorn's hottness. And Legolas' hottness. And Sam's damn cuteness! And Pipp's cuteness!

I need help.

What is Kitchen Witchery?

"The term "Kitchen Witch" brings up many different images to people, but the most common idea is that of a Witch who practices her art mainly thru cooking and common household skills. Another image is that of one who uses common everyday items in her art, drawing up memories of the Burning Times, when it was necessary to hide your working tools from those who would persecute you for their possession. While both of these images are certainly true ones, Kitchen Witchery goes far beyond magical cooking or using ordinary items as magical tools.

One Kitchen Witch, Mama Rose, defines Kitchen Witchery in the following way: "My spirituality and my priestesshood and my magick are based around the concept that my home is my temple, all in it are consecrated and holy, and each action that I do is a portion of the ritual of my life."It is my belief that the heart of Kitchen Witchery is a talent for finding the sacred and magical in everyday tasks, a philosophy which "practices the presence of the Goddess" in daily devotion through ordinary actions.

The Kitchen Witch makes the ordinary, extraordinary, the mundane magickal and by doing so, acknowledges the presence of the Divine in all things.Sacred vs. Profane One way in which Neo-Pagan religions differ in philosophy from the Judeo/Christian/Moslem paradigm is in their recognition of the sacredness in all things. The mainstream paradigm creates a philosophical dichotomy between the Sacred and the Profane (i.e. ordinary/mundane), that which is not "sacred" is, by definition "profane". In Neo-Paganism, ALL things are sacred. No such dichotomy exists.The Kitchen Witch takes that philosophy to it's extreme logical conclusion and finds ways to acknowledge the sacred within the mundane. How this is done is a matter of personal artistic expression. Most are familiar, of course, with the act of cooking magickally or setting up household altars. But it doesn't stop there. Some Kitchen Witches may clean magically, turning every act of cleaning into a psychic clearing as well. Others may tend magical gardens, care for familiars or raise their children within a magickal world. Kitchen Witchery can extend into actions as mundane and simple as stirring one's coffee clockwise to bless it or remembering to recycle as an act of daily devotion. Not to say that being a Kitchen Witch is restricted to the home! Oh, no! Kitchen Witchery can be practiced anywhere that a Kitchen Witch travels. It can extend to her car, her work and her play, since it acknowledges the divine all around us. Thus, keeping a magickal office can be as much an act of Kitchen Witchery as cooking a magickal meal.

Wherever the Divine exists, a Kitchen Witch will find and acknowledge it."

This article is an excerpt from a Wicca site (The Wiccan Glade, I believe.) The by-line was "author unknown" so I am afriad I can not give proper credit where credit is due. I post this for my own education and have no intentions of attempting to plagerize. Blessed Be.

Witches

“Mark ye well their manner, for it is quiet and assumeth not. It is in peaceful tones they speak and oft seem abstracted. Seeming to prefer the company of Beastes, they converse with them as equals. They dwell in lonely places, there better (as they say) to know the voices of the Wind and hear the secrets of Nature. Possessing the Wysdome of the fields and forests, they do harm and heal with their harvests. They concerne themselves not with idle chatter or fashion, nor do worldly goods hold worth for them. Be not confused as to think that only Woman-kynd harboureth the gifte in this matter. Of Men there bee many that hold mickle (much) power."

Work kicked my ass today...

Man! My job was just too fricken' hard today. I was rushed, pushed to the limit and frayed at the edges. It gets like this now and then; when I want to just call in sick. Too bad I can't lie without remorse. Every now and then, I am sure that would be a very useful talent.

I want to practice in the kitchen on Thursday. I will work a spell- one for peace. Peace in my heart, peace in my home, peace in my life. I feel a restlessness and an uneasiness that I can not identify.

Yet.

...from an old email this summer to a friend...

I am excited about canning my tomatoes, green beans, salsa, soup and freezing my own zucchini! I have had a fresh cucumber everyday and the collards are ready for a second picking. I love collards. This food thing is still a very consuming passion of mine. Why is that? It must be more of the women's history thing. Our providing not only food but the production and preservation of food is our history. We are so connected.

Maybe this connection to history is one of the reasons I have never really considered myself "New Age". New Agers really don't connect with history; not in a gender sense. The New Age is all spiritual and genderless. But really, when our spirit chooses a gender- is it not for that gender's experience? So why wouldn't I want to connect with the experiences that pertain to that gender? If my spirit had chosen a male gender for this journey; I would be learning completely different lessons.

The whole label thing should be resisted but also embraced at the same time. While I don't walk around putting labels on people, I know that others will innocently "call" some one or some group some thing. It is fruitless to become upset- it happens and it will happen and that's that. So, if I must claim a name, or a group, or a belief (shudder) I would label myself "All Age".

Wicca, Pagan, metaphysics, new age, agnostic... it's all in the All Age. And it's all good.

Wicca, for me...

"I am thinking of incorporating wicca due to the fact that intentions can be more concrete through ritual and imagination"

This is a great way to verbalize the "intention" of wicca. I enjoy the ritual and joy celebrating a "goddess" deity or the "green man" of celtic history.

My friend Dori stated once, "Wicca connects me to my femine history. The cauldron, the blessing of gardens and home... wicca is a "woman's history". A connection with the femine energy form ceturies ago..." With that one statement, I thought "ahh ha..."

Imaginiation isn't only for children. Vision and invisioning intentions are powerful tools. Not to be trite with the comparison but, think of Christmas.

When a child is very young and is "allowed" to believe in Santa, elves and the North Pole; Christmas is magic. The candy cane lanes and singing reindeer... all of it is a beautiful fantasy. It isn't just getting presents. But once a child is told there is no Santa, no elves and reindeer don't fly... it's all about the presents and how much they are going to (or not going to) get. Then we could throw the whole brainwashing Jesus baby thing in there but hey, that's another discussion.

The magic is the tool for your intention. I love Mother and I connect with the blessings of nature. Wicca allows me the relaxed tools in which to practice those intentions.

There is no wrong way to "do" wicca. There is but one creed "Do what ye will but harm ye none". I think of how much blood has spilled in the name of "christ" and I think... wicca is evil? Man is confused.

I feel empty

This just keeps happening. Perhaps I need new meds. Better meds. No meds.

I feels empty, sad, lost. Darkness encloses me and I can't even tell you (or me) why? I just watched Return of the King, again. I must be completely nuts because I really could watch it again, right now. Over and over. I just want to get lost in Middle Earth.

Anywhere but here.

Behold, the Kitchen Witch

Yesterday was a kitchen witch day, full of pumpkin and slow cooked stews.

I baked and preserved 2 pie pumpkins. I also made a couple of pumpkin pies and a big potato and corn chowder. I love a day in the kitchen.

What I love more? A day of knitting in front of TLOR! That's all I have planned for today. I might do a load of laundry, but then again, I might not!

Today is mine!

Raising teenagers is hard.

That is all.